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Brain drain

26 Jun

I don’t know when I became techie, or even if I really am techie.

I am currently trying to set up a grants application submission site and I’ve been at it for several days now.  I still can’t seem to arrange it in my head.  Usually when I encounter new software, I usually go okay, so how does this go and I usually understand things.  Because I’m able to understand the sequence of events, because I’m able to understand that if I create that bit, it creates a different bit.  I’m at the stage though where I am completely frustrated with myself because I can’t seem to understand this particular system!  I can’t seem to find my rhythm!

I look at it and wonder if I’m doing things right!

I look at it and all my brain wants to do is to say, “Uhmmmmm….???”


Writing hiatus

14 Jun

I stopped writing for a while because my hands needed a break.

For those of you who don’t know, I was diagnosed with carpal tunnel syndrome on both hands and after a series of treatments and tests, the doctors have deemed it necessary for me to undergo the carpal tunnel procedure.  But in the weeks leading up to the surgery, my hands plagued me endlessly.  I would come home from work sometimes in tears because my hands were hurting.  To be honest, I was quite relieved that the diagnosis confirmed that there was something wrong with my hands.  There were days when I would sit at my desk and wonder if the pain was just all in my head!

I decided to stop writing for a while.  To get as much time to rest my hands as possible.  I even stopped baking or cooking complicated dishes so that my hands wouldn’t have to work after work!  It’s done me a lot of good, the resting.

I’ve had the operation and my hand is currently recuperating.  The stitches have fallen off (they’re supposed to) and my hand is no longer as tender as it was.  It’s still not 100% better but I think it’ll get there.  I’ve taken away a new appreciation for my hands after this experience, and a deeper understanding of how important it is to listen to one’s body.  Because, as kooky as it sounds, one’s body does talk.  We just sometimes forget to listen to it.

I’ve had a chance to be quiet and just enjoy the quiet as well while recuperating.  So I’ve got a few blog drafts waiting to be finished!  Am looking forward to writing again.

For those of you who are a wee bit squeamish, here’s a warning:  I will be blogging about the procedure soon!

My hands

12 May

Sometimes I wake up in the morning and think, boy, would I love to win the lottery and just do what I love doing best: write my thoughts down (they might be worth just two cents but I’ve got a lot of thoughts so all those two-cent thoughts will add up!) and bake!

Then I remember that I live in the real world and while I do get lottery tickets once in a while, I never really win anything worth giving up the day job for.

I’ve been staying away from blogging because my hands have been plaguing me again.  I rest my hands at night.  I hate the fact that I’m becoming a couch potato but I still think that resting my hands is much better than losing the use of my hands completely.  I’m due to get them sorted out soon which is a relief.  Most people don’t like going under the knife, and I most certainly won’t relish the experience, but I think it’s mostly a relief that I know there really is something wrong with my hands and I know that this procedure will help relieve the pain and fix what’s wrong with them.  I work, mostly, with my hands and my hands are the most important implement when I bake, so I’ll certainly be happy when they’re better.

I was looking online to see if there was a photo I could post to explain what was going to happen to my hands but most of them are gruesome and even though I’m not squeamish, I’d rather, really, not think about the procedure right now.

The procedure is 2 weeks away!  I am already looking forward to the recovery!


24 Apr

I have been struggling with motivation that past few days.  I am at my desk today and I just want to go home!

It hasn’t helped that I’ve been reading articles about work burnout and I am finding that I am ticking all the boxes and all the articles are saying that I’m on the verge of one.  But then again, while I think I’m on the brink, I still wake up every morning, drag myself out of bed, pray, get ready for work and tell myself things will be okay.

Psychology Today says “[F]igure out what you want, power through the pain period and start being who you want to be.”

So that’s exactly what I’m going to do today.  I’m going to sit here, do what I have to do because in the doing, I’m going to get where I need to be!

Resolute resolutions

26 Dec

Next week, it’ll be the new year.  And, as with most people, the new year is ushered in with good intentions and new resolutions.  I’m no different.  But what I’ve learned in this whole goal-setting business is that I’ve got to make resolutions that are achievable and sensible.  Sometimes one has to be rational about things and rationality comes with age (I hope!).  I’ve learned that one has to be pragmatic about the goals that are set.  I’d like to think that this year, my “someday I’ll be this” or “someday I’ll be that” statements won’t be pie in the sky types of resolutions.

I’ve got to make sure that my goals are S.M.A.R.T.  Now I’m sure, if you’ve attended an office planning session, you’ll know what this means.  S.M.A.R.T. goals are specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and time-bound.  That’s how I’m going to set my goals for this year.  I’ve got to put on my practically pragmatic head.  I’ve got to set realistic goals and I’ve got to make sure that I’ve got a time frame for my goals.

I’m going to take my time.  I’ve made terrible decisions before and I find that I’m still recovering from the bad decisions I made then.  I have absolutely no desire to be stupid ever again.


Dreading Friday

8 Dec

It’s funny.  I never thought I’d say this but I am dreading tomorrow.

I’ve always looked forward to Fridays because it was the beginning of the weekend.  2 whole days to switch off.  But I’m not looking forward to tomorrow because it means having to knuckle down and figure out something technical.  I’ve always wondered when I got the stamp on my forehead that said “techie”?

And then today, at work, I was setting up the registration site for one of our conferences and I needed to get information again from a colleague, granted, I should have probably cut and paste it from the information that she gave me, but I didn’t do that.  Anyway, I said, “Could you give me that information again?” and I heard her mutter under her breath “Oh for FFS!”  That really hit me hard.  I’ve put up with a lot of things, and I’ve always made allowances for her.  But that was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back.

But I will try not to dwell on that and try my hardest to concentrate on what has to be done tomorrow.  And tomorrow, I stick to my to-do list.

Quotable Diana Spencer

30 Nov

Whatever everyone else says about her, I am a firm believer than in her own way, Diana Spencer, Princess of Wales, touched lives and in her own way endeavoured to make a difference in the world.  I think she was a product of her environment and coped as well as she could with the emotional equipment she had to work with.

I think it’s apt to post a quote about kindness today.  I’ve been struggling with the firm belief I had about following the Golden Rule – that one should treat people the way one would like to be treated.  I was brought up to treat people with kindness and respect, and I continually hope (and expect) that people will respond in kind; and for the most part, I am being treated in the way that I treat others.  There are frustrations of course, because I keep trying to be kind and respectful of others, but I continually get teased or chided for being “too nice.”  I, however, find it tough to go against what I have grown up believing.  I came across this quote from one of the people who fascinate me.

I think it was divine intervention that I read this today, the day when I felt, strangely, burdened my upbringing more than ever.  It has encouraged me to press on.  Kindness is worth it.  I shouldn’t stop, because somehow, somewhere, what I do will touch someone and make a difference at just the right time.


“Carry out a random act of kindness,
with no expectation of reward,
safe in the knowledge that one day
 someone might do the same for you.”
~Diana Spencer (1961-1997), Princess of Wales