Struggling

25 Oct

I enjoy the challenge that my job presents.  But for the past several weeks, I’ve been feeling really low in the motivation department.

I can always blame the environment and say that it’s not conducive to motivation.  But that’s probably not entirely fair because really, all I would be doing is attributing my general feeling of demotivation to one person.  A part of me refuses to allow that person to have that much control over my environment and my psyche.  I mean hey, it’s MY environment and my sense of well-being.  I should have control of that right? I mean no amount of swearing, jockeying for position, limelight stealing or general I-am-top-banana-here declarations should affect me.  I should have control over what affects me.

I also tell myself that my feeling of sluggishness is all because my diabetes has gotten worse.  I’ve been given 6 months by the diabetic nurse to improve my hbA1c levels or else I may have to consider insulin shots…which I do not want.  So I am trying to make sure that I am good (no more choccie cake for me!) and that my hbA1c improves the next time it gets tested.

I am a person with a can-do attitude and I am not a quitter.  I know I deal with stress well and people have always said that even when I say I’m stressed, they only ever see me with a smile (I’m like a swan, peaceful and serene on the surface, but underneath my legs are paddling like crazy!).  But I am also quite the realist.  I think it’s time to admit that there’s a need to change things around.  If, after declaring my opinions, nothing seems to be happening, maybe it’s time to change the environment.

I’d like to say I’m learning that in order to make things better, I need to be in tip-top shape.  And if I am going to keep myself in tip-top shape, my environment needs to change.

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