There are days when I feel so terribly homesick, when I want to just sit and cry until my eyes are puffy, my nose is blocked and my throat is raw. There are days when I so long for my mother’s touch, to just be able to just talk to my dad, to tease my brother and to just hug my Duckie. I sometimes wish it was easy to just pick up the phone and call my girls and say, “Let’s meet up for coffee?” Sometimes I just long to hear Filipino being spoken or to just look and see features similar to mine. There are days when I wish I wasn’t so foreign.
But I’ve learned to appreciate my being away from home. I’ve learned a lot about myself (there are things that I love about myself, things that I am proud of, and things that I dislike about myself which I am trying to improve), I’ve learned a lot about how much I can push myself. You know when doctors tell their patients to learn to listen to their bodies? I now know my body better. I am more sure-footed, more sure of myself. I know that I am slowly, but surely, coming into my own in this foreign country that is slowly becoming a little more familiar and little less foreign. I am noticing that I am standing up straighter, my words have lost their tentativeness, and I am getting stronger. I know that my time away from home is meant to make me grow in so many ways.
I now know why my father said that as long as you can travel, travel. As long as you have the opportunity to live overseas, do. It makes you grow up. It makes you stronger. It makes you know who you are exactly. I may not be quite there yet, but I’m on the path.
And tomorrow, I’d have been in England for three years. And strangely enough, I don’t feel so lost anymore.
“You have to leave the city of your comfort
and go into the wilderness of your intuition.
What you’ll discover will be wonderful.
What you’ll discover will be yourself. ”