7 Oct

I’m writing about this because, well, I want to write it and be over it (and I know that even as I tap away, it will not be something that I’ll really get over.  but they say writing is cathartic, so here I am tapping away).

I’ve probably subconsciously buried this in the nether regions of my memory.  But as I was looking through pictures of friends on Facebook (proves that sometimes it’s necessary to avoid proving the six degrees of separation theory on Facebook) and saw a picture of a friend who is, well, not a friend anymore and is NOT one of my friends on Facebook but is a friend of a friend(confused?).  And maybe it’s because I buried this hurt instead of dealing with it that everytime I see a reminder, the wound feels fresh, raw and exposed again.

The 10th of October is very significant because it’s this friend’s birthday.  My theory is that I’m finding it hard to let go of the pain I feel when I think of this friend because apart from feeling of betrayal that I know I must have sublimated (what a word, eh? but it fits!), that feeling was coupled with a deep disappointment.  Let’s just say the falling out was both a build-up and abrupt.  There’s no use in rehashing everything because remembering is painful enough.  I felt the need to delete everything relating to this person (contact info, little trinkets, everything).

Ages ago, I heard this friend say to one of our common friends that whatever happened between us, it was their fault.  And in my head I was screaming, “A load of good your mea culpa declaration is doing.  Why can’t you say it to my face?!?

Maybe one day I’ll get over it.  Maybe one day things won’tbe so bad when I think about this friend.

And maybe one day, I’ll just realise that that’s the way this particular chapter of my life has got to end.  And maybe one day, I’ll be okay with it ending just like that and I’ll accept that not everything in life is completely resolved.


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